Grief is sneaky and grief is complex. The grief of loosing my dad a little over a month ago is nothing short of a cruel emotional rollercoaster mixed with grasping for air. Now, we all deal with grief whether it’s through the end of friendships/ relationships, job loss, loved ones, moving etc. No grief outweighs other grief, it’s based solely on what we value. That hardest part so far for me has been knowing all the things that will never be. Let me explain… Read on & Enjoy!

You think that after a little over a month I’d have come to terms with loosing my dad. Sadly that’s not the case. I can think I’m fine and focus on work or a project and keep putting 1 foot in front of the other. Than there are days I smell Creed Irish tweed, see a cappuccino or hear Prince Royce and the tears come flooding. I can honestly say that this is a pain I will never get over but I will deal with living with the pain.

I can honestly say that the kindness and love shown to me by friends, loved ones, colleagues and family has been the lifeline for me. Pulling me out of my abyss even if for a little while felt like the best reprieve. I think that’s the core for anyone going through grief - job loss, breakup, moving etc. we all need people to show up even when the griever doesn’t respond. What I mean is that even through silence or shorter responses (guilty) knowing that there are people who care are an amazing reminder that not everything is hopeless.

I do believe two things can be true at once. For me, it’s being angry at God and also grateful for what I have. Now, I think we all do this to a certain extent. I’m angry at God for taking my dad away and robbing me of seeing my dad as a grandfather, more holidays and just time etc. Yet, I’m grateful to God for allowing me to have my dad and the memories and happiness I did have with him. It’s no different when we breakup with someone or loose a job and say “why God!? This was perfect for me.” Through time we see that was the best thing for us. Even if we don’t see if it was the best, we are able to see it as a catalyst for a direction that brings happiness. Yes, this includes breaking up with someone and after time getting back with them because the reconciliation couldn’t happen without the separation/ pain.

I am a Daddy’s girl, if you couldn’t tell. My dad and I so similar yet different in a lot of ways. He was always my biggest cheerleader and my toughest critic and whether I was at work or traveling we talked nonstop.

What I’ve learned and has helped me. Is to try to embody the feelings that my dad evoked. What I mean is he had a zest for life and always saw the positive. So I try to find one positive thing a day. I also try to do one of my favorite activities a day just so I don’t become frozen. To quote Sir Isaac Newton, “an object in motion stays in motion and an object in rest stays in rest.” It takes a nanosecond to become frozen and life passes you by. So I attempt to keep moving. Some days it’s so slow it barely looks like I’m moving but it’s still movement.

I do believe that whatever you’re grieving you feel all your feelings. You allow yourself to cry, wallow, scream anything that releases the emotions. I do believe crying is very cathartic and I don’t cry a lot. If you can’t cry, write down your emotions. It doesn’t have to make sense it just has to be for you.

Grief is sneaky. There is no cure or pill that can get rid of grief. It’s simply trying to see a silver lining in the pain and attempt to keep pushing forward. You deserve to prove to yourself that you can keep going and to let the ones you lost know that their love was not in vain.

GRIEF IS VERY SNEAKY

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